A Whole New World
July 26, 2010
Form Six is Aladdin-ing me, whatever that means.
Have you ever gotten that particular feeling where you feel like you can take on anything that comes your way? Especially after a certain achievement, a personal one perhaps? You feel that you can take on something and make something of it. You know, or in my case,
thought that it's a guaranteed success. And when you finally get to it but fail miserably, you pull yourself into a mental state filled with self-rebukes. Constantly demoralising your subconscious self as if a broken record, you begin to develop a deep sense of insecurity and low confidence. Now, everything feels like an insurmountable task; nothing is ever possible. Failure prints your world and your world is shrouded in the spirit of a pessimist. 'Never' was your word and your words were never without 'never'. Some might think you are being overly humble, some might think you are deceitful. But, you know you are neither; you just do not want to feel the same sense of defeat once again. Yes, you are running away - from reality as you lower your high hopes in fear that pain will come once more with a simple shatter.
I have a lot to learn.
... as said by Joo
at 11:31 pm
Blessings in Disguise
July 12, 2010
5 months to the end of Form 6, I finally see the real picture of whatever that had happened for the past 2 years. I was foolish to think that not being granted the JPA/PSD Scholarship means the end of my ambitions and future career. Nay, I was
very foolish. I thought I knew what I wanted.
Disheartened, I went on, seeking for alternatives as I enrolled in Form 6, Science stream. Quite honestly, the mind and soul were never in the same class as the body. I never truly enjoyed the lessons and subjects taught. It's not surprising to find me nodding or hugging my pencil case to sleep during lessons. I found that I hated Science and I obviously couldn't give a damn about the world even if it was crumbling down this second (General Papers). It was then when I asked myself:
Am I cut out to do something I cannot stand doing for the rest of my life and work a life full of unwillingness?
AM I willing to drag myself out of bed every damned morning and tell myself 'Go get the money!' or would I rather find myself eager to go to work every morning and feel that great sense of achievement in the work I do? My Chinese roots tell me to go for the former one, but my soul says the latter.
I realised that I was never really the Science person from nature, but rather from nurture. I just... followed what everyone was doing. Top classes for Science students - who wouldn't want to be there if you're capable? It's sad to say that the only class where I really paid attention and put my soul into was the Art class. I guess you could say I love anything related to crafts and art, whether digital or "live-action" (lol) and had and have always been my forte. By forte, I don't mean that I'm good at it, but you know... the best out of the worst?
Well, anyway, it's pretty decided that I won't be pursuing anything Science related in the future (no, not even Law - I hate memorising and I can't be bothered about dead people in History books.). I'm looking at Digital Animation courses that are related to game development. But, of course, they only offer diplomas for the related course in M'sia (except LUCT - certainly a no-no). Diploma or not, education is never a waste.
P.S: SCHOOOOOOOOL. Can I skip?
... as said by Joo
at 7:09 pm
